you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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