I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
