hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
