She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
