Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts