Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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