Barsexuality is the new black.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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