i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
