The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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