I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Ketchup is God's man juice
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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