I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
