the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
