i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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