he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
