I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
