Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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