I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
