All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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