I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
