Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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