Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
