be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
