Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
