you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
