i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
