Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
