Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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