It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
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I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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