If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
