She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
