Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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