My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
