Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
