can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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