he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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