we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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