i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
