Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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