So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
