And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
