Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I currently don't understand fingers.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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