how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
True strength comes from lack of pants
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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