I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
