bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
