If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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