who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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