Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize