I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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