I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
