I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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