idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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