Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
