he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize