Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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