I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
