I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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