Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Welp...herpes.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
