Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
