the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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