Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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