i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
