update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
do herpes really smell.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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