We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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