I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
