hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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