if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
