I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
