Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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