Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Randomize
