quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
soo... how was my night?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
