The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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