Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
