I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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