is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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