allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
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After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
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all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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