K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
2020 sucks, I want a refund
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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