I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
