I look better un-naked...
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
