after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
