official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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