when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
