I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
